My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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