he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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