make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
