is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize