everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
