I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
