I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Randomize
