Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize