just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
