didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
time to smoke my breakfast
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
