I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
