Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
