I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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