make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
