Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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