please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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