last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
