Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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