when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Drunk is not a location!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
