everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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