if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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