Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
