Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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