I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
