Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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