In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
