I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
