everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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