Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
