the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
