I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
