That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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