Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
