marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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