glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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