So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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