don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
