she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
