Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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