shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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