I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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