my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I cut my penus on the lid.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
