i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
