Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
