ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
