Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize