Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
