Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
