she woke up with a sticky ear
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
