just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
