Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You made out with two different species that night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
