Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
