so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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