home. puking in laundry basket.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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