I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
