That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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