Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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