Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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