Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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