I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
