Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
