Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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