I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
