my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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