So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
