Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
