why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
