I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
