My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
