sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
