What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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