I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
