I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
