it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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