I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
