Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize