i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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