Are we in a gay sports bar?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
