he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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