You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize