my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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