I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
