just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
