A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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