If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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