Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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