guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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