you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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