i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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