just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
