i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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