I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
