You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize