TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
