the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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