just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
They have beer where we have blood.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
